Then hand them your notes and thank them, individually, for working with you. Let them know what about them makes you smile. Just think about what you do appreciate about people and describe that part. There’s no reason to hoard your appreciation it’s unlimited in supply. You don’t have to address everything about each person. Maybe you don’t always appreciate who they are. Perhaps you don’t like everything about them. You should do this even for people about whom you feel conflicted. If you’re hesitant - maybe you think it’s too touchy-feely, too sappy - just think about what it would feel like to receive that type of note from the people around you. Not even for what they accomplish themselves. A way that costs nothing and feels great to everyone involved: in a handwritten note, tell them why you appreciate them. People work together in organizations in order to accomplish things so it makes sense that our organizational rituals appreciate people for accomplishing things and for increasing their ability to accomplish more things in the future.īut I’d like to suggest an additional way to appreciate the people around us. I’m not suggesting these rituals aren’t important. The huge stock grants that left people under-appreciated? They were, literally, placed on people’s empty chairs overnight. People don’t feel individually recognized.Īnd bonuses are a business deal, based not on appreciating us for who we are, but on compensating us for what we achieved, often delivered with no ceremony and no clearly expressed appreciation. And it’s typically about what we’ve been able to accomplish, not about who we are. It’s an important ritual but it’s impersonal, given to the entire company or department at once. Holiday parties usually include a speech by the CEO or other leader thanking people for their hard work over the year and encouraging them to continue working hard over the next year. In other words, immediately after we tell people how great they are, we tell them how they aren’t good enough. But it’s not a review unless we also look at weaknesses, areas “to develop,” places where we fall short. Performance reviews are supposed to identify our strengths, and the best reviewers spend most of their time dwelling on strengths. Think of our corporate end of the year rituals: performance reviews, holiday parties, and, sometimes, if we’re lucky, bonuses. Especially in a corporate setting where we often ask people to be change and where we value them for what they can do for us and for the company. There is no more powerful way to acknowledge others than to be thankful for them just as they are.Īnd yet we almost never do this. The gifts I received that meant so much to me on my forty-third birthday? My wife Eleanor asked a small group of my friends to write me a note of appreciation, “a thought or intention or poem,” she wrote to each friend, “that encourages him to accept himself just as he is.” And when people don’t express it, neither do their gifts. I know people who’ve received huge stock grants who feel severely under-appreciated.īecause gifts don’t express appreciation, people do. We give people gifts to show them that we are grateful for them and value the role they play in our lives.īut here’s a common misconception: the bigger, more valuable the gift, the more it expresses our appreciation. Underlying that custom is an important purpose: appreciation. On certain occasions - birthdays, anniversaries, dinner parties, the end of the year - it’s customary. On a basic level, we give gifts because we’re supposed to. Because on this particular not-a-big-deal birthday, in addition to those two presents, I received some other gifts - gifts that cost nothing, and that I have come to realize are, actually, a very big deal.Īs we enter this holiday season, it makes sense to pause for a moment and think about gifts. I opened two presents.Īnd yet as I emerge from this birthday, I can’t imagine feeling any more appreciated, respected, and loved. I had a few small dinners with close friends and family. It’s not one of those birthdays people usually celebrate in a grand way, and mine was no exception. I turned 43.Ĥ3 doesn’t mark a new decade.
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